The desk on which my trackball rests (the cats would prefer a mouse, but that is another story) is not quite large enough for all the stuff I need to put on it, but quite large enough for the cats to roam at will and whim and do considerable harm. It occurred to me that, since cats are creatures of habit, it might be well for them to be entered into a convent, where habits abound.
So I shifted the legs from an end-table to the desk and moved it aside and put the desk legs on the end-table top. This made for a surface too small for me but even more too small for the cats. I thought this would help prepare them for the monastic life.
Meditation, I hear, is a nun’s duty, among other duties. I can’t quite see that my cats actually ponder the eternal verities, but they sleep a lot and that’s close enough. Besides, I suspect they are really not sleeping but secretly plotting the revolution to come. I am not alone in this belief.
Some clerics have, at least in the past, thought that wearing a hair-shirt would bring them closer to salvation. My cats are admirably equipped for this discipline. I’m hesitant to give them rosaries because they might not treat them with the proper respect. Since they are both spayed (did I mention that they are females?) I don’t worry too much about carnal temptation, though they do sniff unmentionable regions with some enthusiasm. I believe that convents have a don’t ask, don’t tell policy.
No doubt there will be a trial period during which the cats will have to demonstrate their vocation. Since they will be conscripts, this could be an issue. However, I have taken pains to remind the nuns that the cats are not proficient in English or any other language so they should not be judged too strictly. I have been assured that compassion rules. I am also informed that convents are not without mice.
Like most parents I have not consulted the cats about this decision. After all, I am older and wiser and know what is best for them. Uh oh! one of them is throwing up on the carpet again. I guess mother superior will know how to correct that.
black t shirt
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write by Albert Marske Jr