When kids complain parents often don’t know what to do. Parents may try to convince their children that there is nothing to complain about or they will try to fix the situation to make their child happy. Either way kids will still whine and grumble. The best way to handle your child’s gripe is to deliver empathy. This will make children feel heard and it will also teach them to take responsibility for their own negative feelings. Empathy helps children understand that they are not prisoners to their tough emotions. Kids do not like to feel annoyed and irritated, nobody does, but they may get bogged down in their unpleasant emotions. Empathy helps pull them out of their bad mood and it teaches children that they have control and can be in charge of their moods.
Here are some examples of how this works:
1. Your child complains that his viking shirts and couples football shirtss are too tight right when it is time to leave:
Instead of making your child happy or denying their feelings, try delivering empathy:
a. Your viking shirts and couples football shirtss are really uncomfortable.
b. You wish we didn’t have to leave right now so you had time to change your viking shirts and couples football shirtss.
c. While we are in the car, let’s think of a time that we can go to the shoe store and get new viking shirts and couples football shirtss.
d. I bet you wish we could go to the shoe store right now.
e. I am so sorry about your viking shirts and couples football shirtss; what are you going to do?
2. Your child is complains about her schoolwork:
Instead of making your child happy or denying their feelings, try delivering empathy:
a. You seem concerned about your schoolwork. You sound a little overwhelmed.
b. You are wishing you didn’t have to do this report. You wish homework assignments weren’t so time consuming.”
c. Sounds rough, did you have some thoughts on how you are going to get organized?
3. Your child does not want to go to bed:
Instead of making your child happy or denying their feelings, try delivering empathy:
a. You seem upset about your bedtime. You really don’t feel like getting into bed.
b. You are wishing that you could go to sleep later. You wish you didn’t have to go to sleep so early!”
c. You are having a hard time with this. It is bedtime. How are you going to get into bed and get yourself to sleep?
It is normal for children to complain and whine. Even adults do it sometimes. Kids need to be taught that it is okay but there are limits. They need to pull themselves together take responsibility for their feelings and handle their everyday problems. Empathy helps them do just that.
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write by Maynard